Need to adjust...but what?

If I am going to be honest here and say what's been on my mind...

The last two weeks have been hard ones. They were awful. Most days, I wanted to cry or pull my hair out. Instead, I ended up closing the "chatting door" (the half door to the front room of the pharmacy) or laying on the floor in the pharmacy (very therapeutic, I must admit). Just to get a moment of reprieve, just to have some time to shut the rest of the world out.

Over the weekend, I had to take a step back and wonder what was going on. I was grumpy most days than not, short tempered, and easily flustered or frustrated. One slightly unpleasant interaction in the morning could ruin my precarious mood and spoil my entire day. All by some thing that should've been easy to shake off!

In part, I came here hoping that if there was any way that God could redeem the profession I got educated in - surely it would be here, surely by using my skills to serve Him and a greater purpose beyond my own. In the short 4 years that I have been a pharmacist, I have encountered a lot of things that have disillusioned the job for me. All too often, people would rather treat you like a customer service agent, rather than a specialist. All too often, people will have no qualms about taking out their frustrations with waiting to see the doctor on you, when all you asked was for 15 minutes of their time. Too many times...and yet, I have a hard time believing that God would've opened so many doors for my education just to have me ditch it without showing me what I am to do next.

These past two weeks haven't helped that perception, even though I am working in a hospital and not a community pharmacy (i.e. Safeway, Walgreens, Wal-Mart). When I stepped outside of my offenses, and listened to what others were saying around me, I realized...we've somewhat hit a wall of sorts. We are more than half-way through our outreach here in Togo. Everyone is getting tired; everyone is getting stressed; everyone is getting frustrated. It happens. We work hard, we encounter lots of changes, and some times, we don't get the down time that we need to recharge and regroup for the next week ahead of us.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I am frustrated, I find that someone else getting frustrated with me or at me doesn't really help the situation or ease the emotional tension. So, over the weekend, I sat on this and thought about it. I knew that I could continue on getting frustrated and losing it over little things...and being irate when people decide that things should be done one way, when they've always been done another way...since the beginning of the outreach. This is something that's easy to get mad about, but at the same time, I realized that I had to take into consideration that there is such a high change over here on the ship, and in the hospital. Not all of the nurses that are down there right now were with us in the beginning. It's pretty overwhelming being thrown into an entirely new work and living environment...and it's easy to get things mixed up or not really know how things are supposed to be done.

But, I knew that something needed to change...something needed an adjustment. And, not just in respect to the outreach here...but perhaps to my job in general.

This week, I decided that I would do things a little differently. This week, I decided that perhaps I should be nice to people. That rather than responding in frustration, to respond in kindness. I don't know about you, but when I am stressed or frustrated, I am more receptive to someone who will come along side me gently and help me through whatever is at hand...rather than just be irritated with me and looking at me like I asked an erroneous question. And shock of all shocks (please note that there is a bit of sarcasm in there)...people have been nice back. I am learning that you get a better return on gently showing someone something then just saying no, you're wrong and I am right. Yes, shocking, I know. If you think that I am lying to you or that my results over the past few days are skewed, I suggest you try it.

Although it's working now after the adjustment is made, I am sure I will find that all to soon that adjustment will need realignment. Time and time again. And time and time again, I am sure that I will be thankful for His grace.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power my rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in the weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

- 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

I know that my perceptions often leave me thinking that people don't appreciate the work that we do in the pharmacy. It's easy to take slights from others when they weren't really intended, to take them personally and as an assault on your own abilities. It's not true. Even though our work in the pharmacy is behind the scenes, even though we don't get a lot of glamor shots to be shared with people around the world who can't see what we do for work...

I know that, indeed, our work is needed and appreciated. And, again I am thankful for the grace that helps me to see that.