Faith like an African?

My time here aboard the Africa Mercy is slowing winding to a close. And as that time dwindles, the question of, "Hey, do you think you'd ever come back?" continues to weigh heavy on my mind. Not that this is a question I haven't been considering since the very first day I stepped on board. But, it seems like it's something that I should likely answer sooner rather than later. And, even at that...I've kind of already answered that question, but just wanted to serve out my first commitment here to see if I felt the same way about that answer now as I did then. Capiche?

A few weeks ago, a friend, who is African, and I were having a casual conversation. And, this question came up...as it always does, especially when you're chatting with someone who is here on a longer term commitment than you.

My answer is and continues to be, "I would love to come back...but (the ever inevitable 'but') there are just a few things at home that should probably be taken care of first before I dedicate more time to missions." Another friend, Hannah, and I joke (with a bit of seriousness behind it) that we should come back in 2012, so then at least we'd know someone here on the ship and have someone to hang out with (Especially since the turn over here is so high. In a matter of months, the crew could look entirely different to what it was at the beginning of an outreach. Trust me, I know.).

My friend asked me to elaborate on what I meant...and I explained the things that I felt needed to be done before I could consider coming back...not to mention having to plan my 10 year high school reunion for next year. As I spoke, my friend picked up on the heart of all of it...the issue was whether or not I would be able to do it on my own. Would I be able to save enough? Would I be able to deal with stuff? Could I get it all done on my own, and what did I think a reasonable time line would be?

Are you picking up on what's missing here like my friend did? Yeah...it's missing God's plan for me and His ability to provide for me. It's missing faith in believing that God will help me through whatever it is that I am supposed to be doing with my life.

My friend told me that part of my problem is that I am not African. He said that here in Africa, because they don't have the means that we do in Canada and America...they just take steps of faith and trust that God will follow through, if that's what God really wants for their lives. He said that when he committed to coming here, he didn't have everything he needed to be in order on his own before he came. He just knew that he wanted to be here, felt that he was called to serve with Mercy Ships, and prayed that God would follow through and fill in all the missing holes.

Not that I at all don't appreciate where I am from and the means that I have been blessed with in my life. I do. But, perhaps he is right, and I have come to a place, or have always been in a place in my life, where I don't feel I have to depend on anyone else to get what I want or do what I want. And, I know (my mom tells me all the time) that most times, I am bit too independent...and I am sure that a lot of it stems from not having to be dependent on someone else, and also not wanting to have to be in a place to depend on someone else.

But, sometimes, I wish I had faith like an African.