Just one of those days...

...when you didn't know that you wanted something to work out until it doesn't...
...when everything seems to be going against you...
...when nothing goes your way...

today was one of those days.
i cried in frustration.
actually sobbed a little bit, i was so frustrated.
cried, because i didn't know it would mean so much.
and it did.
and it does.

it's funny how easily you can be defeated.
i kind of don't want to bother continuing to try...
only to be frustrated again.
i guess this is part of 'life' in Africa.
but, who knows...we'll see...

g'night.

Despair Diverted...

Quite an ominous title, I know. Now, before anyone infers that I am in the depths of depression or that things are not right with my ship world...please give it time and hear the blog out.

I am constantly finding out how things work here on the ship...learning new things every week as I experience them personally or through others. One thing that I learned this past week is how exciting it is to get snail mail...or how sad it is to check the folder and see that there is nothing for you. For hospital staff, we pick up our post in the HCS office, and we know that there is new post from afar because they 'announce' such via a sign outside the door stating, "Mail from Texas is in" or "Mail from Holland is in". This week, the second shipment of mail from Texas had come in since docking here in Togo.

This announcement thrilled me, for whatever reason (especially since I hadn't gotten mail the first time), and I told Linda and Naomi (our lab techs, and fellow auxiliary hospital crew) that mail had arrived, and I was going to check it. Naomi asked me to check for her as well since I was heading that way. So, I trotted off down the hall, and into the office, only to discover that there was no mail for me...but there was mail for Naomi.

So, with my heart a little less happy than before I started down the hall, I grudgingly brought Naomi's mail to her and stated that I was sad that I had not gotten any mail. Yes, complaining uselessly, I know. But, I did it anyways. And, I also believe that I told a friend back home that I had begun to despair that I wouldn't get any mail, even though it was only the second time that mail has come and that the outreach had just begun. But, despairing none-the-less. Despairing because, even in this day in age with all the technological advances we have with communicating through blog comments, Facebook, and e-mail...there is still something about getting something via snail mail.

The next day rolls around...my moment of despair further from my mind...and I get an e-mail from one of our secretaries in the HCS office saying that there was mail for me. Confused, I walked back down to the office and entered, all the while shaking my head and saying, "But, I don't understand. I was just in here yesterday, and there was no mail for me." She simply just shrugged her shoulders while I ruffled through the letter index, searching for the folder marked with an 'R'. Sure enough, there was a envelope marked with my name.

Without going into the details of the letter and the contents in the envelope (aside from a Starbucks card for use here on the ship)...I was being pranked... I was a bit confused, but wanted to get to the bottom of who did it. (Please note, it was not a bad "prank". It was actually quite cute and hilarious. And very much appreciated.) Not really knowing where to start, I showed the letter to Miriam, and we brainstormed who it could be. I told her that I was determined to find out who did it, even if it came down to cross-matching the writing of friends with the writing on the envelope.

I didn't have to go too far or do that much sleuthing. All I had to do was venture down the hall a few doors to the lab to find the culprits. After looking at some samples of writing in the lab and some interrogation, Linda finally admitted that the writing was hers...but the brains behind the operation, she blamed on Naomi. With my letter writer mystery solved, I happily hugged Linda and Naomi, and thanked them for being so thoughtful to me and trying to divert my no mail despair. Thanks once again, ladies!

Onto other news...

The first two days of surgery have been successful! The Mighty Ships crew from Discovery Canada left after following a few of the stories through to the recovery room. More and more patients are being admitted as the surgery schedules fill up, as are the beds on the wards. On call duties are being fulfilled and the rhythm of the outreach is slowly being drummed out...

And so it begins...

Hospital evacuation drill. Done.
Patients arriving...in progress.
Surgeries to start...TOMORROW.
And, so it begins. From where I stand, all the wards are stocked, as is our recovery room and OR pharmacy. And to me, that means...everyone is ready to rock. Judging by the excitement in the air, I think there are many others who feel the same way that I do.

For many of you who don't know me...I tend to be pessimistic at best... Lately, I've been getting a lot of comments from friends and family back home, stating that I seem really happy. Which, kind of comes as a bit of shocker to me. Not saying that I am not. I'm very glad that I made the decision to be here. But, a bit of me wonders if maybe I portray a less than real truth through my blogs. But, I also know that I write how I talk...so basically, it is what it is. Below is a surmisation that I had come to when responding to a friend's message.

"hahaha...wanna know a secret? i don't know why everyone is making such remarks over my blogs. julie says that i sound really happy and so did gen. but, i think that gen was right...perhaps i am just enjoying this season...it's one that i've been looking forward to for so long. i guess, what i am doing may seem incredible...but if you were here, you would realize that i am only one of many. and some of the people here are so young, or they have done things like this before - and i wonder to myself...what took me so long? but, i have to remember...that God has prepared me...even if i don't completely believe it myself...for a season such as this..."

So...let's rock. ;-)

My new work place...

Hey Guys!

As promised...here is a peak at the Oak Fountain Hospital, my new work place for the next few months...

This sign greets you at every entrance into the hospital on Deck 3 from the top decks.

What one of the wards looks like here at the hospital. They are all on the port side of the ship. There are 5 beds on each side of the room.

This is our ICU section for the outreach. We just have 3 beds set up, rather than an entire ward. We aren't running the ICU ward or Ward C (there are 4 wards: A, B, C, and D) because of the noise that the generators create...hence the trip to South Africa in August to get them replaced.

In this photo (of D ward), you can see that there are mattresses under the beds. These are for the patient's caretakers, usually a parent, so that they can stay with their child while recovering from surgery here on the Africa Mercy.

This is the sign that you see on our door. Welcome to the pharmacy. Please note that crew clinic hours are from 13:00 - 14:30. :-) We are located on the starboard side, towards the aft of the ship.

A peak into my work space. The pharmacy has two rooms: a front room where I've been spending most of my time, and a back room where there is another work space and our medications.

A peak into the back room of the pharmacy. This is usually where one can find Miriam.

Opposite of the work space in the back room is our rolling racks!

Here is the end of our hall (which is opposite to the wards). Past this door, you can find the 6 operating rooms here in the Oak Foundation Hospital.

I hope that you guys have enjoyed seeing just a bit of what I see everyday here. I really wish you were here so that I could give you a personal tour myself. There is so much more to it than what these few pictures dictate.

Now, I'll leave you with a quote Dr. Parker used in a few of his lectures:

"At the end of our lives, we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made or how many great things we have done. We will be judged by ‘I was hungry and you gave me to eat. I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless and you took me in.’

Hungry not only for bread-but hungry for love.

Naked not only for clothing-but naked of human dignity and respect.

Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks-but homeless because of rejection.

This is Christ in distressing disguise."

- Mother Teresa

Work hard. Play hard.

Hey Everyone...

Sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you. Last I wrote, I was preparing to head out to our first official screening day for the outreach here in Togo. What can I say about it? It went well. Not a lot of people came, which is awesome, since that is what we were praying for. We did, however, get surgeries booked, x-ray and CT scan appointments booked, as well as casting for club feet. As it stands, screening has been pretty successful, new process and all. By the end of last week, I think that they had screened over 2,500 people. Please continue praying for the remaining screening days!

Since screening and now...we've had two open houses for the Oak Foundation Hospital (the name of the hospital here on the Africa Mercy). The first open house took place this past Thursday, where medical staff from all over Togo were invited to come aboard, see the hospital, meet the staff, and learn a bit of what we do and why. All of the hospital staff were required to participate in putting on the open house. All the wards and departments were open so that they could ask questions and get more information. We also worked as hosts/hostess, servers, and parking attendants (my job for the night). It was a blast, but a long night - and I hope that we represented ourselves well. I promise to put up a picture tour of the hospital for you soon!

The second open house was held last Friday (yup, back to back open houses)...but, this time, the hospital was opened up to non-medical crew. It was a fun-filled night. The ward nurses set up different stations for people to go through that taught them about inserting IVs, feeding tubes, and a chance to be in their shoes. All the operating rooms were open, with games revolving around some of the surgeries that they do - VVF, ophthalmic, general, etc. Even the kids on the ship were able to get involved, as they got dressed up in the OR to operate on a monkey, and learned how to stitch things up from our surgeons.

This weekend marked the beginning of hopefully many outings to come. What ended up being a group of 17 of us from here on the ship took a weekend trip out to a town called, Kpalimé. It was about a 2.5-3 hour ride northwest of the port here in Lomé. It was uncomfortably amusing having 19 people squish into the taxi-van/bus (originally intended to carry 15 passengers). I was lucky enough to be sitting not too far from an open window, and it was amazing watching the landscape pass me by. There is no way that I could describe to you the beauty that I had seen. It was awesome passing by the African villages and seeing the thatched huts and the people busy, going about their day.

It was a fun...although not completely relaxing weekend. We ended up having 5 hotel rooms to divvy up between the 17 of us. Our group then split off with a few of them going to see waterfalls and the other group (me included) heading to the market. The market was very lively and full of color. As we walked through the streets, you could hear children singing. They sing this song that I have grown to love and sing along with them. Basically, they sing it any time that they see a white person.

"Yovo, Yovo,
Bonsoir.
Ca va bien,
Merci."

It essentially says, "White person, White person. Good evening. It goes well (or I am well.). Thank you."

On Sunday, we all went for a hike up to the tallest mountain peak in all of Togo, Mount Agou. It stands about 986 meters (3234 ft.) tall. I never knew that I could sweat so much until yesterday. I also developed a healthy appreciation for water and keeping hydrated. Thankfully, it had rained enough the night before so the air was cooler than it normally would've been, yet the path wasn't all that muddy. We had a guide take us up the mountain, and he showed us various things...like how the locals get different dyes from the plants in the forest, as well as little tidbits about the area...like how it was one of the first areas to develop fruit.

As we made our way to the top, there were various villages built into the mountain side that we passed through. So very interesting to see how other people live and thrive. I was, and continue to be, astounded. We seemed to hit each village on our way up as they were having church. So, as we walked along the path, you could hear the drums being beaten to a tune of worship, even if it was unfamiliar to me. In one village, as soon as the worship music stopped, you could hear the music of the children's voices, saying, "Yovo! Yovo!" and then breaking out into song. At one of the villages, the children were outside the church and even came up to get a closer look at us. I love putting my hand out, and having their tiny palms smack mine...and then wander around my hand, amazed at the feel of my brown skin. They are just adorable, and they make my heart ache for my little ones back home.

When we reached the top of the mountain...we had a bit of a relaxed celebration, complete with human pyramid, jumping photos, spelling photos...and one of me being tossed in the air. I am sure that the guards were wondering just exactly what it was that we were doing.

On the way back down, we passed a village just as we met up with the road that winded back down the mountain we just climbed. We figured that this was a great place to take a break and wait for the rest of the group to catch up. As I was sitting on a log, resting, a little girl came towards us with a baby. As I watched her walking our way, I saw that she was intent on walking up to someone in particular - me! With a big smile on her face, she handed me the baby. And as soon as the baby was in my arms, the people from the village across the way erupted into laughter. I looked at the little girl, pointed to myself and said, "Je m'appelle Tatiana." She then proceeded to tell me that her name was Florence, and that the baby I held in my arms was named Emil. :-) Eventually, I returned the baby, even though Jens was trying to convince the little girl to let us pack the baby in our backpacks to come back with us. Thanks to Micah for taking this photo as evidence for me!

We had just enough time to head back to the hotel, take a quick dip in the pool to cool off, and then catch our taxi-van/bus to head back to the port. Walking back into the Africa Mercy, we were greeted by one of our Gurkhas with a big smile, and the cooling rush of air conditioning to meet us. As fun as it was to get away for the weekend and explore...it was sure nice to be back.

This week, we are preparing for the official open of the hospital. Our patients start to come in on Wednesday, 24 February and our first official operation is to commence on Thursday, the 25th. I am going to be spending the next few days before we open stocking the wards and the operating room. Everyday, it's starting to look more and more like a hospital...and even though I know that there is tons of work ahead of us...I can't help but be excited.

Three weeks in...Let the bruising begin!

I have been here for three weeks already. Weird. Although, I must say, that things are starting to pick up...and it didn't take too long to get the ball rolling. After our briefing meeting once docking in Togo, we started unbracing things in the hospital. In the pharmacy, it meant removing the braces on the rolling racks, unsecuring the cupboards, and moving boxes around (lots of moving boxes around). For the nurses, however...they've been working hard the last few days, bleaching the ward surfaces (as seen in the picture here, taken by Ali, I do believe...she also writes an amazing blog.), stripping and waxing the floors, and setting up the wards. They've been working hard...and yes, they are pretty amazing!

The first weekend here in Togo was a fun one, I must admit. On Saturday, the ship underwent a blackout so that teams could work on the cooling system and fix some problems that they have been having. As a result, shuttles were organized to take crew into different parts of the city to swim at the local hotels.

Now you may be wondering why on earth would we be sent off to swim at pools in hotels...when we are surrounded by beaches? It's because rip tides are common along the coasts here in West Africa, we are told...which makes the lovely beaches dangerous for swimming. :-( But, I must admit we still had fun. A few others and I got loaded into one of the land cruisers and headed off to the Palm Beach Hotel, located in downtown Lomé.

It was a great area for us, since we wanted to explore a bit, as there was a local market in the same area as the hotel. We spent most of the morning roaming the streets and checking out the local vendors. It was an...interesting...experience. A bit overwhelming, for me at least. It was awesome to see the liveliness and some of the color of the city...but, a bit frustrating as people are constantly coming up to you and trying to put things in your hands to buy. I think that might take some time getting used to.

After roaming the streets, a dip in the pool was very rewarding and we spent most of the afternoon there. It was glorious finally being able to swim in the water (as I was continuously tortured by the thought of cool waters while sailing) and get some relief from the heat. We spent lots of time relaxing, reading on loungers in the shade. A great day out on the town, all in all.

On Sunday, I had the pleasure of having my first West African church experience. We attended an Assemblies of God church just on the outskirts of Lomé. When we arrived, we were put at the very front of the church, facing the congregation (which I know is an act of honoring us as guests). For those of you that know me, you know how much I don't like speaking in public, or being put in any kind of spotlight. It was a bit unnerving for me, but I got over it quickly as I was swept up into their worship. It was amazing. Everyone was singing...just about everyone was dancing...and no matter what the preacher or the worship leader was doing or saying or singing or praying, the congregation continued with worship. They were so into praising God, that I couldn't even hear the worship team...all I heard were the hearts and voices of the people in the church. Can you imagine what that would be like?

Another thing that blew me out of the water...knowing only North American church services...is how giving these people were. And how joyful they were about it, too! I think that they must have taken up 4 offerings in the service, and every time, the congregation danced...DANCED!...their way to the offering baskets. I loved watching the ladies move in unison down the aisles and up to the front of the church. And, they gave every single time in that fashion. I just sat there, blessed by their joy to invest in their church and in their congregation. Especially when I sat there and considered their circumstances...the neighborhood that the church was located in, and likely where they live, and just knowing the statistics about the country that they live in. In comparison to what I am used to...all I can say, is that they may be poor in material aspects, but they don't seem to be poor in the Spirit. Poverty truly isn't just a state of what you can see in the physical with your own eyes...

At this church service, Jean-Claude introduced Mercy Ships and what we are here to do. Then, we each had to introduce ourselves (Jean-Claude also acted as our French translator), state where we were from, and what we do on the ship. It was really cute, because after we were introduced, the pastor commented that the congregation also had a Leah and a Tatiana. She actually came up to meet me. I couldn't help but smile. After the service, I got a picture with her. She was so cute, and so excited. Everyone seemed eager to meet us, to shake our hands, and to bless us for what we are here to do. As exciting as it all sounds, it was also a bit overwhelming. Especially for me, who doesn't always do the best in large groups of people and when I don't know most of them.

After the service, we were invited into the pastor's quarters for refreshments and snacks. It was nice to sit and chat and meet the pastor and the elders of the church. And definitely honoring to be treated in the manner that they received us.

We got back in from church around 1 pm...and I ended up spending the afternoon (from 1:30 pm to 5 pm) playing soccer out on the dock with some other people from the ship. It was lots of fun, but I have bruises and aching limbs to prove that I was out there for so long.

Today was business as usual...still setting up the hospital (yes, it takes a lot of time!), preparing to stock the wards, preparing for screening, and tidying up our work space. Speaking of screening...we start tomorrow. And, I'm going! I'm a bit nervous, as I heard that screening can be quite shocking for someone who hasn't seen things like this before. Tomorrow may be different, as we are not mass screening like they have done in the past. As some of you may already know, there is a presidential campaign and election happening in Togo this month. Due to this, the Togolese government has asked that we not hold a mass screening day like they did in the past, where up to 4,000+ people show up, hoping to see if we can help them.

This year, we are having smaller screening clinics...on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of each week for the next ten weeks. We are hoping that we can reach the people that we need to, and not to diminish the hopes of people we won't be seeing tomorrow. We are also hoping that we can convey to them that hope is not lost if we don't see them tomorrow, but that they can come to another screening day, and hopefully be seen. We are really hoping, even in spite of our best efforts, that masses upon masses of people don't come...but, there is a good chance that they will, as most are desperate for help and see Mercy Ships as their last shot. Since Mercy Ships has done mass screenings before, tomorrow, we will be holding a "double screening"; meaning...rather than seeing ~200 people (as planned for the rest of the screening days), we are hoping to see ~400 people.

Please pray for everyone going out tomorrow (myself included)...please ask that we are given clarity when seeing and screening the patients, helping with crowd control/security/escorting, or wherever we can help. Please ask that we are able to show compassion and mercy. Please pray for those that we can't help - that they rest in the knowledge that even if we (as humans) can't help them, that does not mean that the Lord has abandoned them. Pray that we have a good rest tonight, as it may be a long day tomorrow. Pray that we have peace, and energy, and anything else that is needed. Here's hoping and praying that tomorrow goes smoothly!

Now...it's off to bed. G'night whoever is out there. Dream sweetly...

The age old question...

Today, like every Thursday, we had our Community meeting. It's a time where we all meet together, go over a few announcements, have praise and worship, and a speaker. Okay, maybe it's like church on Thursday night. I remember Sarah saying that they were her favorite meetings, and I think that I am starting to understand why. Here on the ship, it's nice to gather as a community, and to focus on one thing that does unite us...our faith in God. I know that Sunday is usually considered the day to go to church, and we will...but we are encouraged to go out into the community and come alongside the local churches. So, in the end, not everyone here on the ship will be going to the same place on Sunday. So, needless to say, it's nice to gather together.

In our community meeting, Becca asked the question..."Why are you here?". It's funny, I've asked myself that. (Most times, I've wondered..."Am I really here? Is this really my life?!") Usually...I don't answer myself. It gets harder to answer the question when others have asked me, and they have. I can't remember what I've come up with...I am sure that it had something to do with my desire to use my education (which I do believe that God has blessed me with) for more than my own purposes and survival. And that is a truthful answer. Although, I've often felt it a bit incomplete. Today, I think that I finally found the answer to that question for myself.

Have you guys ever not been able to express yourself...but found that a song could so accurately? As if were written explicitly for you? I'm not saying that these songs were...as a matter of fact, I know that they weren't...but, they projected everything that I could never say.

During worship, we sang a song that I have loved for some time called "Everything", by Tim Hughes. The lyrics are as follows:

God in my living,

There in my breathing,

God in my waking,

God in my sleeping.

God in my resting,
There in my working,

God in my thinking,
God in my speaking.

Be my everything (x4)

God in my hoping,

There in my dreaming,

God in my watching,

God in my waiting.

God in my laughing

There in my weeping,

God in my hurting,

God in my healing.

While we were singing this...it all made sense to me. I'm here to live and breathe God. I'm here because I want to incorporate Him in everything that I do. And, as if to help my thoughts along...the worship team mashed up "Everything" with a chorus from another song of Tim Hughes' that goes as follows:

Here I am to worship

Here I am to bow down

Here I am to say that You're my God

You're altogether lovely,

Altogether worthy,

Altogether wonderful to me

And, there my friends...is where I found my answer. My answer is, I'm here to worship...and I don't mean just clapping or lifting my hands or attempting to sing pretty songs. I mean, learning to worship God with everything that I am and in all that I do. I'm here to bow down...and I don't mean on my knees, I mean surrendering in all aspects, saying "Here, take my life." I'm here to say that He is my God.

This is the view from the port side of Deck 7 where we are docked in Togo.

So, dear friends...dare I ask you? What are you here for?